A heavy heart to carry

I walk up the road,

this slope never-ending

I wish I could stop

For my load is heavy.

No...

I keep going on

Still my heart is beating

and I won’t give up,

not ‘til I am living.

I’m still on the road

so lonely and dreary,

I long for a smile

among faces so eerie.

And there you are now

So close, yet so far

Like the one up above –

that twinkling star.

I keep holding on

To the dream of my life,

To have you beside me

...and together survive.

Or something like that

I need to know now. No, don’t look away. Right now. Do you love me or not? And no, don’t start with your “listen, baby”… I can take the truth. Is it a yes or is it a no?

I can’t hear you.

But, yeah… keep running your fingers through your hair and keep staring at your feet. Oh yes, and that drop of sweat on your forehead… you can wipe that away too. Don’t worry, you’re not obvious at all.

And yes, I get it. It’s a no. But I need you to say it. And I want you to look at me.

You can’t just sneak out behind my back, go missing for one night after the other and come home in the morning… drunken like a sow. That ain’t working, baby. Not now and not in a million years…

Not with me.

Why are your eyes still fixed on the floor? Is there anything you’d like to say? No? How about if I ask you…?

How many?

And don’t you dare act dumb. Just give me a number. Three, five, ten? Or maybe you’re too cool to even keep a list? Now, come on, tell me. How many have you slept with? How many have you told you love and never called back? How many times have you made a girl’s heart race only to let her down hours later… to realize that there’s nothing to be excited about?? Go ahead. I’m listening…

I still can’t hear you. And I’m wondering… will I ever?

You’re forehead has really started to shine now. Come on, wipe those drops away, you have nothing to lose now…

Me? Oh, baby… you can be naïve, almost as much as a little girl. Do you honestly believe I could still be yours? Seriously? I guess this question will receive no answer either... will it? No?

No…

Too bad. Too bad you could never say it. It would have saved at least a tiny little bit of your dignity. But it’s too late now. And you’re a coward. As usual.

Oh yes, and don’t worry about me, my new life is just a door away… a door that I would be more than happy to close in your face. Just like that.

Goodbye, baby.

And have a good life. Or something like that.

And back again

Flash. Flash. Back. And again.

My mind reruns the tape in a slow motion as I start to feel the wet grass sucking through my clothes and the coolness of the stone behind me penetrating my skin.

Flash. Flash. And back.

Your eyes meet mine as you run past me, arms wide open… trying to feel the air and make it yours. The wind tousles your hair and makes you look even more beautiful than you are… that’s hard.

Flash.

You stop for a moment, focused on an object right in front of you.

“A butterfly,” you shout out as your eyes fill with joy. I can tell you’re happy. And so am I.

Flash.

My heart starts racing as I slowly get up and make a step towards you, not letting you out of my sight… not even for a moment. Blood fills my head as I see you look back at me. I blush. I try to hide it but I can’t.

Flash.

You are only feet away.

Flash.

You take my hand in yours and point to the horizon. The sunset is beautiful, I think, and I know you do too. The warmth of your fingers haunts my soul and I wish we could stay there forever. Together.

Another flash.

We are kids. Innocent and free.

And another.

Best friends.

Flash.

The wind whistles in my ear and makes me look around. Did you say something? No? I’m sorry, I thought… Never mind.

The grass is still wet and the stone – as cold as never before. I look down to my left and see you leaning on me, your head resting peacefully on my shoulder. The wind makes it hard for me to make out the sound of your breaths. A deeper one, however, makes me shiver inside.

It’s been years… Who would have thought we’d ever come this far?

You look at me and a smile lights up your face. I want to kiss you... your lips, your eyes. But I don’t. I let a moment pass. And then another one. Instead, I touch your palm with my fingertips… your hand closes up in a gentle grip with mine.

The warmth of your fingers haunts my soul and I wish we could stay here forever. Together.

Flash.

I’m a kid again. Innocent and free.

Flash.

With my best friend. In love.

The way it always was…

Flash.back.