They had known forever; or what seemed to be forever. From the first time he had put the car keys in the freezer and had immediately forgotten about it. He never remembered and was genuinely surprised when one day, Mary found them lying between the minced meat and the chicken breast, covered in frost.
They have been married for 31 years, Mary and he. It would be 32 in two months and nine days, but Mary is not sure he would hang in there for that much longer. It has been over six years now since they had received the bad news and the doctors had given them the heart-breaking 2 to 4 years max. Six has been a miracle as much as it has been an endless nightmare. Waking up every morning, not knowing whether he would open his eyes for one more day, if he would breathe in the fresh morning air one more time. The fear of realizing that maybe this once he had indeed left her alone. Mary had been struggling with accepting their fate and yet, she couldn’t stop the tears from rolling down over and over again, soaking her pillow every single night. Could he hear her cry? She had asked herself many times, but that used to be way back when she still believed she could make a difference. He didn’t even remember his name anymore. Rob! Your name is Rob, she had screamed at him in desperation some days ago. She was helpless.
She sighed loudly and a sob made her breathing more uneven than before. She paid no attention and closed her eyes. But she didn’t know that at that very moment his heart was breaking. Every night, he would hear her cry and burn with the urge to comfort her, to tell her that none of this is worth her tears.
He couldn’t move, he had been nearly paralyzed for weeks now. Months even, of which he could only remember the dark slivers of miserable and painful nights, nights that he was hoping to be over soon. Not for him, but for her. He could almost see the end; he could feel it but he knew that he wouldn’t go before he had left one last trace in the world of the mortal.
This very night, he struggled not to fall asleep and to be himself for just one more morning and one more moment of bright sunshine. Hour after hour, his mind was penetrated by visions of people he didn’t know calling him closer, by the helpless screams of a child he couldn’t recognize and by the sobs of a woman that he felt he had seen before. Mary, his brain helped him and he opened his eyes for a scene he hadn’t witnessed in a long time – an April morning of singing birds and welcoming sunlight. Mary was down in the kitchen, he could hear the clinging of a coffee cup to a plate. He was simply grateful that he had woken up for one, perhaps, last day of life.
He strained his muscles and made himself reach out for the pen and paper lying in the drawer of his nightstand. They have always been there. With an effort, more painful than ever imagined, he took the pen between his fingers and scribbled the words that have been haunting his mind for the past minutes, or was it hours… Letter after letter, he could gradually see them getting more and more illegible, but he was patient enough to write down his thought. He then put everything back into its place, clumsily closed the drawer and relaxing, laid the little note on Mary’s pillow.
A smile crossed his face. It had all been said and done. I can leave now, he thought and slowly closed his eyes one last time taking in the warm sunlight, waving him goodbye.
Minutes later, Mary would walk in and hurry toward the pillow to take the note with a trembling hand. Her eyes would move along the lines of uneven handwriting, while her lips would silently read:
I am not worth any tears; our love is. But our love will live forever.
Smile, and let me go.
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